Monday, May 16, 2011


If I disappeared for a month, would anyone notice it? I've asked myself this question a few times in the past and my answer is and should be, "Well, of course. The people who live with you would obviously notice one less person in the house". But when I'm talking about friends and acquaintances, there is a strong possibility that they won't.

The reason is that I haven't made it worthwhile to be remembered. And I don't exactly have that acknowledgement from people. My reaction to this is to be loud and everywhere, and I think I brag about myself ... ALOT. But somewhere I feel as though I will be remembered, but as the annoying butthead. This is not my goal. My goal is to give people that feeling of, "I miss Jackey and his antics". Oh, by the way, my full name is Jackey Tran, not Jack. See? Another reason why people won't remember 'me'.

At university, I try to be a very distinctive tutor. I socialize with students, something not many tutors like doing. I try to get them to open up so I can understand them a bit better. They are students who try really hard, but just can't seem to meet expectations. I used to be that kind of student. Failing them hurts, but I only fail those I really see just bumming around doing shit all. What else do I do as a distinctive tutor? I brought nunchakas. Tell me, who brings nunchakas and know how to use them? Nobody, that's who. I love to play with my students inside and outside of class. Just the other night I put on a comedy stand up. So instead of stressing out while working on their assignment, they were laughing. However, sometimes I think I cross the line with my eccentricness, and at the same time, they only see me as their tutor, not a befriendable. I don't exactly want the title of "my tutor". I wanna be a friend. If I disappeared, they'll just progress to the next semester.

In VHA, I probably would be remembered by the name Jackie Chan, and as the goody two-shoe who asks too many questions. I'm the new guy, but, from my perspective, the slowest progressing new guy there. I would love nothing more than to be confident and prominent with my work, but with the amount of responsibilities and issues that demands my attention, I become so easily disoriented and subsequently lose track of everything. I'm not even the only Asian guy there. Two left, but there is one more, and he knows his shit. However, if I disappeared I know they'll notice it ... then fire me.

With my friends, hardly anyone knows where I am. But through the miracle of Facebook, they know what is up. There was a period where I could not access Facebook and was out of the picture, essentially. But no one noticed nor cared. The fact that I've regretfully declined so many roadtrips with my friend, makes me an uninteresting outcast from my social circle. I really wish to get back into the game. I really wish to socialize with my friends. I really hope to know how everyone is and whether they lives have been treating them right. I really hope to be there for them. I'm not just saying it, I really mean it. If I disappeared for a month, I've already proven that these people wouldn't notice me.

All it comes down to is recognition. I know that no one is being missed at every single second by any given, breathing person. But it is nice to know that I mean something/anything to someone/anyone. And I think this blog entry is a brag and another attempt to gain recognition and acknowledgment.

Sorry =[

No comments: