I hereby renounce my long wasted feelings for Smellie. I've had feelings for her even before her first boyfriend and the only reason I held back was the fear of losing another great friend as I once did many years ago (refer to Reflection). But this renouncement does not mean I'm throwing our friendship away. That is exactly what I'm trying to avoid. I guess anyone reading this would think either "Ahah, I knew it" or "OMG, he liked her?"
She knew ... once. I told her once before she met her first boyfriend, but she was ignorant and laughed.
Smellie, I don't love you anymore. I've wasted too much time on pathetic feelings.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
Re-enactment
I realized something. I am, in fact, a really horrible person.
Remember the last post about the nurse, and me having no attraction with her?
Well, today was like something from a movie.
It begins with a wave.
She "apparently" asked my Mother if I would be coming today, and sure enough, I came, but very late (nearly end of visiting hours). So she walked pass my Mother's room, after tending to a patient down the ward, and we catch eyes. Moments later, she came back to clean her hands (which from what I've seen, she normally does it immediately after exiting a patient's room) and I waved to her. She waved back.
It continues with constant exchanging of eye-contact.
Several times, she walked pass my Mother's room and we would have eye-contact accompanied with a courtesy smile. Unless she is those type of Asian that acts like she's never seen another Chinese before (Russell Peters reference), she was waiting for me to come out for a chat like the last few times I came.
It goes on to up-close encounters.
I walk out of the room, but only because my Mother was getting changed for bed. This is when she walked pass me, slowly, and once again I only gave her a smile and a "Hello". I may be completely wrong about her, but if I am right, this girl is going to wind up like Computer Lab Girl, when I turn her down in front of my classmate (which I did feel horrible after seeing her eyes change).
It ends with waves and goodbyes.
I walk off while she's at the counter. I just smiled and said my "Goodbye", "Goodnight".
Cue music and fade black, as I walk out of the hospital and into the cold night.
It feels like I'm re-enacting a scene from a tragic romance movie, or worse yet, a chapter in my teenage-hood. And you know what, despite me being the so-called stud, I feel horrible. You just have to be in my shoes to feel it and see through my eyes to understand it.
Remember the last post about the nurse, and me having no attraction with her?
Well, today was like something from a movie.
It begins with a wave.
She "apparently" asked my Mother if I would be coming today, and sure enough, I came, but very late (nearly end of visiting hours). So she walked pass my Mother's room, after tending to a patient down the ward, and we catch eyes. Moments later, she came back to clean her hands (which from what I've seen, she normally does it immediately after exiting a patient's room) and I waved to her. She waved back.
It continues with constant exchanging of eye-contact.
Several times, she walked pass my Mother's room and we would have eye-contact accompanied with a courtesy smile. Unless she is those type of Asian that acts like she's never seen another Chinese before (Russell Peters reference), she was waiting for me to come out for a chat like the last few times I came.
It goes on to up-close encounters.
I walk out of the room, but only because my Mother was getting changed for bed. This is when she walked pass me, slowly, and once again I only gave her a smile and a "Hello". I may be completely wrong about her, but if I am right, this girl is going to wind up like Computer Lab Girl, when I turn her down in front of my classmate (which I did feel horrible after seeing her eyes change).
It ends with waves and goodbyes.
I walk off while she's at the counter. I just smiled and said my "Goodbye", "Goodnight".
Cue music and fade black, as I walk out of the hospital and into the cold night.
It feels like I'm re-enacting a scene from a tragic romance movie, or worse yet, a chapter in my teenage-hood. And you know what, despite me being the so-called stud, I feel horrible. You just have to be in my shoes to feel it and see through my eyes to understand it.
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