Tuesday, August 31, 2010


I hereby renounce my long wasted feelings for Smellie. I've had feelings for her even before her first boyfriend and the only reason I held back was the fear of losing another great friend as I once did many years ago (refer to Reflection). But this renouncement does not mean I'm throwing our friendship away. That is exactly what I'm trying to avoid. I guess anyone reading this would think either "Ahah, I knew it" or "OMG, he liked her?"

She knew ... once. I told her once before she met her first boyfriend, but she was ignorant and laughed.

Smellie, I don't love you anymore. I've wasted too much time on pathetic feelings.

Monday, August 30, 2010


I realized something. I am, in fact, a really horrible person.
Remember the last post about the nurse, and me having no attraction with her?
Well, today was like something from a movie.

It begins with a wave.
She "apparently" asked my Mother if I would be coming today, and sure enough, I came, but very late (nearly end of visiting hours). So she walked pass my Mother's room, after tending to a patient down the ward, and we catch eyes. Moments later, she came back to clean her hands (which from what I've seen, she normally does it immediately after exiting a patient's room) and I waved to her. She waved back.

It continues with constant exchanging of eye-contact.
Several times, she walked pass my Mother's room and we would have eye-contact accompanied with a courtesy smile. Unless she is those type of Asian that acts like she's never seen another Chinese before (Russell Peters reference), she was waiting for me to come out for a chat like the last few times I came.

It goes on to up-close encounters.
I walk out of the room, but only because my Mother was getting changed for bed. This is when she walked pass me, slowly, and once again I only gave her a smile and a "Hello". I may be completely wrong about her, but if I am right, this girl is going to wind up like Computer Lab Girl, when I turn her down in front of my classmate (which I did feel horrible after seeing her eyes change).

It ends with waves and goodbyes.
I walk off while she's at the counter. I just smiled and said my "Goodbye", "Goodnight".
Cue music and fade black, as I walk out of the hospital and into the cold night.

It feels like I'm re-enacting a scene from a tragic romance movie, or worse yet, a chapter in my teenage-hood. And you know what, despite me being the so-called stud, I feel horrible. You just have to be in my shoes to feel it and see through my eyes to understand it.