Tuesday, February 8, 2011


I hadn't always been this pathetic. I recall the years when I was wild, fun, and willing to take risks. It was the years prior to a devilish mind, to working at my parents place, and before my youth allowance was cancelled.

There was a time when girls actually asked me out and loves my company. I've even had one openly expressing her content whenever I'm around. This was also during the time when my mates would call me out every weekend. Weekend school was fun too. I would spend morning classes with two fun girls, have lunch with them (one at a time and they were fine with that), then spend afternoon classes with two cool dudes and another girl who attempted to kiss me (she failed and kissed my neck). I would get phone calls from everyone who "just wanted to talk to me" and didn't care what I got to say. I was evened offered sex; but I turned it down because of my, then, moral code.

My social life wasn't the only good thing, my body was in a relativitely decent shape. I didn't have muscles but I didn't have blubber as well, and my acne problem had just been dealt with. I was considered fit, I could keep up with several sports player at school and did fine during 100m sprint and 50m swim. I played various forms of sport at a decent level; basketball, soccer, football, and gymnastic (yes, there was a time, but let's call it parkour instead because that's how I treated it).

My whole world collapsed after a while. I disappeared to work at my family business and dealing with an uprising habitual problem. I only noticed this when one of my female friends said, "you've changed, Jackey". I came back an aged person and much more quieter. You can call this matured, but I call it lame. As a result, I gained heaps of weight from the depression, and through the depression, I lost contact with many people. The girls no longer saw me as fun. The guys said I was always too busy. Classmate at weekend school were no longer there. And I got resented, for the first time in my life, by an old friend of mine (but that was my fault).

From that point onward, I kept struggling and because of all my failed attempts at redemption, I became the pathetic person that I am. I just hope with all the hardwork I'm putting into myself nowadays, someone would tell me, in a positive way, that I've "changed, Jackey". I may not necessary return to topdog-hood, but I can at least have a shot at being loved by all again.