The last few weeks had me thinking about my loveless life. The subject came to my mind when I looked back at my peers and their relationships. Some were happy, some were sad, but all of them had the experience.
To date, I have not had one girlfriend, laid my first kiss, seriously held a girl's hand or embrace her, successfully asked a girl out, nor notice a girl's genuine affection for me (if there were any). Thinking about it, it is VERY sad and I admit that there are times that I feel intensely lonely. And seeing jerks having girls falling head-over-heels for them makes me feel worse as I always try to be the best person I can be only to be shot down every time.
When I hear about my female friends talking about the weaknesses of their boyfriends, it makes me think; I may be a guy, but I honestly don't believe that all guys would be that shit in relationships. At the same time, will I become that?
Referring back to my previous statement, being shot down all my life really bums me out. It's not like the girls I go for are punk-ass chicks with tattoos and want to suck the life out of their man. My type of girl is sweet, funny, out-going, and enjoys/appreciates many activities. At the same time, being shot down that many time dropped my standards to much lower levels, to the point my friend said that "[I'm] just being desperate now". It may sound that way, but if you can't be the reacher, then be the settler.
I've always pictured myself doing all those romantic stuff with a special girl; like walking along the beach, watching the sunset, eating at a fancy restaurant, probably plan a special Valentines Night; but from what I'm seeing, I'm pretty much doomed in the relationship field.
I may think differently than other guys when it comes to romance, but all of us share the same frame-of-mind when it comes down to, "What does she want?"
And my question is always, "Does she like me?" or "Will I find the girl, I want to spend the rest of my life with?"
I don't need to be in many relationships like other guys nowadays, if it is serious and real, one is enough.
