It has been many months since I wrote my last set of lyrics. Naturally, my writing style isn't as creative as they used to be, but I work with what I got. This little number is something I wrote because I've been suffering heaps of inevitable dramas in life and the pressure had pushed me very close to suicide on numerous occasions.
I just want to say that life will give you challenges and you will feel intimidated, but it is the strong ones who could jump over these obstacles and walk towards to next one. I'm still fighting for survival and it seems that I am losing, but I'm still alive.
"Remember Me" is pretty much a title for the collection of pieces that I've written over the years. There is no music to it, and vice versa, the music have no lyrics to it, but I figured that I could just throw a title to it, regardless.
Anyway ... enjoy =)
Hang In There
Sometimes the sky will turn grey
And it will begin to rain
Sometimes the road ahead will fade
And your hopes get hidden in the shade
I have felt your pain, friend
I know it must be strainin’
But trust me it will be alright
Never lose your faith and
The cloud will move away then
Things will change and there will be sunlight
If you just …
[Chorus]
(Hang in there) You can get pass this if you just
(Hang in there) Things will get better if you just
(Hang in there) Nothing can stop you if you just
(Hang in) There-eh (Hang in) There-eh (Hang in)
Hang in there
[End Chorus]
Copyright 2011
Jackey Tran
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Relationships part II
The last few weeks had me thinking about my loveless life. The subject came to my mind when I looked back at my peers and their relationships. Some were happy, some were sad, but all of them had the experience.
To date, I have not had one girlfriend, laid my first kiss, seriously held a girl's hand or embrace her, successfully asked a girl out, nor notice a girl's genuine affection for me (if there were any). Thinking about it, it is VERY sad and I admit that there are times that I feel intensely lonely. And seeing jerks having girls falling head-over-heels for them makes me feel worse as I always try to be the best person I can be only to be shot down every time.
When I hear about my female friends talking about the weaknesses of their boyfriends, it makes me think; I may be a guy, but I honestly don't believe that all guys would be that shit in relationships. At the same time, will I become that?
Referring back to my previous statement, being shot down all my life really bums me out. It's not like the girls I go for are punk-ass chicks with tattoos and want to suck the life out of their man. My type of girl is sweet, funny, out-going, and enjoys/appreciates many activities. At the same time, being shot down that many time dropped my standards to much lower levels, to the point my friend said that "[I'm] just being desperate now". It may sound that way, but if you can't be the reacher, then be the settler.
I've always pictured myself doing all those romantic stuff with a special girl; like walking along the beach, watching the sunset, eating at a fancy restaurant, probably plan a special Valentines Night; but from what I'm seeing, I'm pretty much doomed in the relationship field.
I may think differently than other guys when it comes to romance, but all of us share the same frame-of-mind when it comes down to, "What does she want?"
And my question is always, "Does she like me?" or "Will I find the girl, I want to spend the rest of my life with?"
I don't need to be in many relationships like other guys nowadays, if it is serious and real, one is enough.
To date, I have not had one girlfriend, laid my first kiss, seriously held a girl's hand or embrace her, successfully asked a girl out, nor notice a girl's genuine affection for me (if there were any). Thinking about it, it is VERY sad and I admit that there are times that I feel intensely lonely. And seeing jerks having girls falling head-over-heels for them makes me feel worse as I always try to be the best person I can be only to be shot down every time.
When I hear about my female friends talking about the weaknesses of their boyfriends, it makes me think; I may be a guy, but I honestly don't believe that all guys would be that shit in relationships. At the same time, will I become that?
Referring back to my previous statement, being shot down all my life really bums me out. It's not like the girls I go for are punk-ass chicks with tattoos and want to suck the life out of their man. My type of girl is sweet, funny, out-going, and enjoys/appreciates many activities. At the same time, being shot down that many time dropped my standards to much lower levels, to the point my friend said that "[I'm] just being desperate now". It may sound that way, but if you can't be the reacher, then be the settler.
I've always pictured myself doing all those romantic stuff with a special girl; like walking along the beach, watching the sunset, eating at a fancy restaurant, probably plan a special Valentines Night; but from what I'm seeing, I'm pretty much doomed in the relationship field.
I may think differently than other guys when it comes to romance, but all of us share the same frame-of-mind when it comes down to, "What does she want?"
And my question is always, "Does she like me?" or "Will I find the girl, I want to spend the rest of my life with?"
I don't need to be in many relationships like other guys nowadays, if it is serious and real, one is enough.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Smile
Hello again,
(This marks the first post not to have a "re" title)
I know it has been a while since my last post. There has been a lot of psychological pressure and reality issues to deal with over the passed however many months. BUT, I'm not here to blag on about my disastrous life. Instead, I am here to talk about my newest project.
Those who've seen my Facebook would have noticed that I've been updating my status with the phrase, "Smile Everyone =)"; this is indeed the tag-line to my next project, one that I call Project Smile.
What it is, is a photo slideshow.
But unlike the The Newly Weds, this will include live-action alongside of animation. But unlike Friend's Birthday Message, the animation and live-action will interact from time to time as opposed to playing one after the other. It is going to be fairly dynamic and ever-changing, a notion established by part 04 of The Newly Weds. Hence, this would be protrayed in a manner similar to common music videos.
I developed the idea after listening to the song by Uncle Kracker, which would also be the feature song to this slideshow. It will be a tribute to my family and friends, those who have affected my life. Once again, although my nature is very dark and sinister, this video will be bright and gentle (if I do it long enough, perhaps I could rid myself of the evil).
My goal? To get people to smile. And to show my family and friends the love =)
(This marks the first post not to have a "re" title)
I know it has been a while since my last post. There has been a lot of psychological pressure and reality issues to deal with over the passed however many months. BUT, I'm not here to blag on about my disastrous life. Instead, I am here to talk about my newest project.
Those who've seen my Facebook would have noticed that I've been updating my status with the phrase, "Smile Everyone =)"; this is indeed the tag-line to my next project, one that I call Project Smile.
What it is, is a photo slideshow.
But unlike the The Newly Weds, this will include live-action alongside of animation. But unlike Friend's Birthday Message, the animation and live-action will interact from time to time as opposed to playing one after the other. It is going to be fairly dynamic and ever-changing, a notion established by part 04 of The Newly Weds. Hence, this would be protrayed in a manner similar to common music videos.
I developed the idea after listening to the song by Uncle Kracker, which would also be the feature song to this slideshow. It will be a tribute to my family and friends, those who have affected my life. Once again, although my nature is very dark and sinister, this video will be bright and gentle (if I do it long enough, perhaps I could rid myself of the evil).
My goal? To get people to smile. And to show my family and friends the love =)
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Reimagining
Ever since I took a step into medial production, my head has been overwhelmed with visual images. Even though I haven't made a real name for myself out there, every time I listen to certain songs, a whole story will unwrap in my head and I would continue to refine it each time I hear it. The only thing stopping me from filming and producing it, is a)my lack of knowledge in professional film production, and b)cast.
I have once asked a few friends of mine if they were interested. Even though they agreed, I do not expect them to keep to their words because I know that life is no longer as flexible as it used to be. Time is a killer for everyone.
What are those songs? And, what have I in-store for them?
Timbaland - Morning After Dark.
A deeply dark toned background, with strong orange-yellow lighting on cast. They are supported by feint smoke and several effects to gradually make the cast look demonic. I want it to be eerie, yet cool. One particular idea I have was to include a salsa dance (initially rehearsed for the wedding, but later dropped). However, my concern is whether it works well with the atmosphere created.
Pussycat Dolls - Hush Hush (remix).
A rainy atmosphere with a couple looking like a confrontation is about to happen. The female lead will try to dominate the male as he tries to talk (not to be over-used). One particular imagery I have is heavily inspired by a drawing I saw. And that is: on the long road/highway (could be both), the man places on his hand on his chest and rips out his heart. He then hands it over to the female lead. However, she takes it and walks off. (another take on it, is she takes it from him).
Jay Sean - Do You Remember
Frankly. I semi proud of it. Why not fully? It's not done. Anyway, it begins with a couple sitting by a candlelight dinner. And the male lead is singing his lines to the girl. When Jay sings, "there's nothing left to say, don't waste another day", the couples are already on the streets. The male lead is very playful and dances around the female lead. Do You Remember chorus is sung while the male performs a dance number in front of the female. "Left's bring it back, left's bring it back" is done while male lead calls for his mate (clearly rehearsed) to take their seats and pick up the stringed instruments. You see where I'm going with this. The little string piece is performed like a mini orchestra, male lead being the 'conductor'(?) I'm not done with it completely, because every time I hear the song, my mind changes.
Linkin Park - New Divide.
This one was in my head first and it was before I worked with After Effects. Anyway, I wanted it to be as explosive as the song. So it works with heavy shaky camera work. It begins on top a wrecked building (referencing In The End). Then a disastrous wind storm throws the band into a rocky island. At the climax of the song, it will include a massive outburst and shockwave across the ocean. I don't know. It as first, but I never thought about it thoroughly.
Usher - OMG.
Yeah, who can possibly beat Usher? No one. But it doesn't mean no one can do something different. My video includes a lot of dance moves and uses light streams to help imitate a dancefloor. I can't explain much, but it's all in my head. But what I can say is that it's more Asian-y and has a touch of 70s disco and Usher in it.
One last time isn't a song ... but a story I have in my head called, "Honey, I Love You" which is a thriller involving a husband and wife in an increasingly bad relationship which each other and increasingly disturbing fascination with their respective suitors, and its effect on their spouses. As many of you know, I have a strange vision much like that of Tim Burton, but my ideas may come across as brutal for my friends to be involved with such a project.
But who knows ...
I have once asked a few friends of mine if they were interested. Even though they agreed, I do not expect them to keep to their words because I know that life is no longer as flexible as it used to be. Time is a killer for everyone.
What are those songs? And, what have I in-store for them?
Timbaland - Morning After Dark.
A deeply dark toned background, with strong orange-yellow lighting on cast. They are supported by feint smoke and several effects to gradually make the cast look demonic. I want it to be eerie, yet cool. One particular idea I have was to include a salsa dance (initially rehearsed for the wedding, but later dropped). However, my concern is whether it works well with the atmosphere created.
Pussycat Dolls - Hush Hush (remix).
A rainy atmosphere with a couple looking like a confrontation is about to happen. The female lead will try to dominate the male as he tries to talk (not to be over-used). One particular imagery I have is heavily inspired by a drawing I saw. And that is: on the long road/highway (could be both), the man places on his hand on his chest and rips out his heart. He then hands it over to the female lead. However, she takes it and walks off. (another take on it, is she takes it from him).
Jay Sean - Do You Remember
Frankly. I semi proud of it. Why not fully? It's not done. Anyway, it begins with a couple sitting by a candlelight dinner. And the male lead is singing his lines to the girl. When Jay sings, "there's nothing left to say, don't waste another day", the couples are already on the streets. The male lead is very playful and dances around the female lead. Do You Remember chorus is sung while the male performs a dance number in front of the female. "Left's bring it back, left's bring it back" is done while male lead calls for his mate (clearly rehearsed) to take their seats and pick up the stringed instruments. You see where I'm going with this. The little string piece is performed like a mini orchestra, male lead being the 'conductor'(?) I'm not done with it completely, because every time I hear the song, my mind changes.
Linkin Park - New Divide.
This one was in my head first and it was before I worked with After Effects. Anyway, I wanted it to be as explosive as the song. So it works with heavy shaky camera work. It begins on top a wrecked building (referencing In The End). Then a disastrous wind storm throws the band into a rocky island. At the climax of the song, it will include a massive outburst and shockwave across the ocean. I don't know. It as first, but I never thought about it thoroughly.
Usher - OMG.
Yeah, who can possibly beat Usher? No one. But it doesn't mean no one can do something different. My video includes a lot of dance moves and uses light streams to help imitate a dancefloor. I can't explain much, but it's all in my head. But what I can say is that it's more Asian-y and has a touch of 70s disco and Usher in it.
One last time isn't a song ... but a story I have in my head called, "Honey, I Love You" which is a thriller involving a husband and wife in an increasingly bad relationship which each other and increasingly disturbing fascination with their respective suitors, and its effect on their spouses. As many of you know, I have a strange vision much like that of Tim Burton, but my ideas may come across as brutal for my friends to be involved with such a project.
But who knows ...
Monday, October 11, 2010
Recount
Yesterday was a big day. Not exactly for me, but for my brother who married his long-time girlfriend.
I was chosen to be a groomsman (best man went to my other brother, and I understand that), and it was my job to make sure the minor things were done right, mainly guest related. Though I didn't do the best at it, I believe it was good enough since there were no complaints.
The day started off in a rush. I woke up at 6.15am, with only 3 hours of sleep the night prior, and we had to get ready and leave to the bride's house at 7. The so-called "games" were DAMN man. I almost lost my first-kiss to a dude. I'll explain, at the bride's house, the girl would mess around with the guys, making them do stupid shit. One in particular was passing a seaweed slice to the next dude using only mouths. I assure you that we weren't allowed to bite down on it, or we would be punished (I can't imagine what's worse).
Anyway, tea ceremony there and tea ceremony back at my place. My next task was to rush my Dad to the reception hall (by the way, he prepared ALL the food from scratch) to guide the cooks into doing what they have to do.
Next, I drove to the ceremony, which was held WAAAAAY on the other side, at Curzon Hall. There were little task. Stand around and look good. The sun was in our eyes, and with all those cameras, it was difficult not to give them dirties (by that, I mean squinting). There were a few laughs at the ceremony. The vowels had something creative like mocking each other and the best man's gold-fish-ness (may I remind you, that my second brother has a very short attention-span and that kicked in when the Celebrant was explaining his tasks to him). After that, we had a newly-wed/bridal party photo-shoot.
Rush all the way back home to prepare the project/laptop/my brother's stuff (which he forgot to do the night before) ... all in 5 minutes.
OKAY NOW ... THE SECOND BIGGEST EVENT OF THE NIGHT:
I already considered myself late, because it was 5.15pm, and I haven't got anything prepared or tested. However, we managed to test all the DJ's equipment, projector, laptop, and get the hall presentable before letting the guests in. Oh, did I mention that the bridal party was meant to do a dance? Well, we hadn't rehearsed or anything. So, in the make-up room, we just came up with this little routine and though I came up with my own dance AND did okay in rehearsal, I screwed it up so badly in the actual performance. When I went around talking to guests, or when they came up to toast the bridal table, they poked fun at me, saying stuff like, "Hey Jack, I love your shaolin". My rebuttal? "Shut up, man. I screwed up. But I have one big surprise for everyone in this room later".
And I did. Remember the "Restoration" post? About a slideshow project for my brother and sister-in-law? Well, it was WELL received from the bride's family and friends as well as our side. So I felt really good.
Here is part 1 of 4 sections
"Jackey, as you can see, is extremely talent. But he is also single and looking, ladies" the MC (my brother's friend) said. And I was embarrassed, but prepared for it. I just pretended to say, "What are you talking about?" and continued doing my stuff.
My brother (the best man) took the dancefloor before and after the alcohol. Everyone praised him and he believes that he has established his reputation as a dancer amongst both sides of the families. While I established myself as a computer geek/designer. Meh.
So ... I'm pretty much the only cousin in the whole family to be completely sober, because as the designated driver or 2 BENZ and 1 LEXUS, and a Green P-plater, I cannot drink. Naturally, I replaced drunkness with my personally hypo-ness to gather enough will to dance. And for some reason, it was my job to make sure people dance. How I did it? Good you ask. I simply did my dance, which I think were stupid, and then gesture people to come. Once or twice it worked, but for the times that it didn't I personally jogged to the tables to pull girls out because Girls + Dancefloor = Guys joining Girls on Dancefloor.
That day and night was awesome. This wedding was far different to the ones I attended and this is because the bride is a banana (yellow [Asian] on the outside and white[well, White] on the inside, whereas the others were mangoes [fully yellow].
It was legen- wait for it ...
I was chosen to be a groomsman (best man went to my other brother, and I understand that), and it was my job to make sure the minor things were done right, mainly guest related. Though I didn't do the best at it, I believe it was good enough since there were no complaints.
The day started off in a rush. I woke up at 6.15am, with only 3 hours of sleep the night prior, and we had to get ready and leave to the bride's house at 7. The so-called "games" were DAMN man. I almost lost my first-kiss to a dude. I'll explain, at the bride's house, the girl would mess around with the guys, making them do stupid shit. One in particular was passing a seaweed slice to the next dude using only mouths. I assure you that we weren't allowed to bite down on it, or we would be punished (I can't imagine what's worse).
Anyway, tea ceremony there and tea ceremony back at my place. My next task was to rush my Dad to the reception hall (by the way, he prepared ALL the food from scratch) to guide the cooks into doing what they have to do.
Next, I drove to the ceremony, which was held WAAAAAY on the other side, at Curzon Hall. There were little task. Stand around and look good. The sun was in our eyes, and with all those cameras, it was difficult not to give them dirties (by that, I mean squinting). There were a few laughs at the ceremony. The vowels had something creative like mocking each other and the best man's gold-fish-ness (may I remind you, that my second brother has a very short attention-span and that kicked in when the Celebrant was explaining his tasks to him). After that, we had a newly-wed/bridal party photo-shoot.
Rush all the way back home to prepare the project/laptop/my brother's stuff (which he forgot to do the night before) ... all in 5 minutes.
OKAY NOW ... THE SECOND BIGGEST EVENT OF THE NIGHT:
I already considered myself late, because it was 5.15pm, and I haven't got anything prepared or tested. However, we managed to test all the DJ's equipment, projector, laptop, and get the hall presentable before letting the guests in. Oh, did I mention that the bridal party was meant to do a dance? Well, we hadn't rehearsed or anything. So, in the make-up room, we just came up with this little routine and though I came up with my own dance AND did okay in rehearsal, I screwed it up so badly in the actual performance. When I went around talking to guests, or when they came up to toast the bridal table, they poked fun at me, saying stuff like, "Hey Jack, I love your shaolin". My rebuttal? "Shut up, man. I screwed up. But I have one big surprise for everyone in this room later".
And I did. Remember the "Restoration" post? About a slideshow project for my brother and sister-in-law? Well, it was WELL received from the bride's family and friends as well as our side. So I felt really good.
Here is part 1 of 4 sections
"Jackey, as you can see, is extremely talent. But he is also single and looking, ladies" the MC (my brother's friend) said. And I was embarrassed, but prepared for it. I just pretended to say, "What are you talking about?" and continued doing my stuff.
My brother (the best man) took the dancefloor before and after the alcohol. Everyone praised him and he believes that he has established his reputation as a dancer amongst both sides of the families. While I established myself as a computer geek/designer. Meh.
So ... I'm pretty much the only cousin in the whole family to be completely sober, because as the designated driver or 2 BENZ and 1 LEXUS, and a Green P-plater, I cannot drink. Naturally, I replaced drunkness with my personally hypo-ness to gather enough will to dance. And for some reason, it was my job to make sure people dance. How I did it? Good you ask. I simply did my dance, which I think were stupid, and then gesture people to come. Once or twice it worked, but for the times that it didn't I personally jogged to the tables to pull girls out because Girls + Dancefloor = Guys joining Girls on Dancefloor.
That day and night was awesome. This wedding was far different to the ones I attended and this is because the bride is a banana (yellow [Asian] on the outside and white[well, White] on the inside, whereas the others were mangoes [fully yellow].
It was legen- wait for it ...
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Recognition
"Hi, My name is Jackey Tran. I am a freelancing Graphics/Media Designer and founder of Breakthrough Designs."
You read it ... most of it is true. My name is Jackey Tran and I am, as of today, a freelancing graphics/media/website designer. I just met my first client today, who found me via networks. We did a birthday catering at my brother's colleague's house and they were happy with our service. I don't know the whole story, but they knew we did website designing and thus began my dive into the field.
Today I met them at their house (oh, by the way, they are a beauty salon - the second elegant-based website; the first being RJ Weddings). I went through the price with them, which is reasonably lower than competition and high enough for me to make a nice profit. Then, we spoke of the design. The best part is that when they chose a design that was in my sketch book, meaning I have just saved much of my time thinking. But I have chosen to design a few more anyway because I personally don't think that, with the items they provided me, it would suit their website.
It's so cool. Because, ever since my "I'm a teacher at University of New South Wales" line expired (YES, I TAUGHT THERE), I have been needing a new intro line, and I have found it.
"Hi, My name is Jackey Tran. I am a freelancing Graphics/Media Designer and founder of Breakthrough Designs."
You read it ... most of it is true. My name is Jackey Tran and I am, as of today, a freelancing graphics/media/website designer. I just met my first client today, who found me via networks. We did a birthday catering at my brother's colleague's house and they were happy with our service. I don't know the whole story, but they knew we did website designing and thus began my dive into the field.
Today I met them at their house (oh, by the way, they are a beauty salon - the second elegant-based website; the first being RJ Weddings). I went through the price with them, which is reasonably lower than competition and high enough for me to make a nice profit. Then, we spoke of the design. The best part is that when they chose a design that was in my sketch book, meaning I have just saved much of my time thinking. But I have chosen to design a few more anyway because I personally don't think that, with the items they provided me, it would suit their website.
It's so cool. Because, ever since my "I'm a teacher at University of New South Wales" line expired (YES, I TAUGHT THERE), I have been needing a new intro line, and I have found it.
"Hi, My name is Jackey Tran. I am a freelancing Graphics/Media Designer and founder of Breakthrough Designs."
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Release
Last night was exactly how reborn Jack should be.
The initial plan was to celebrate my friend's ascension to the 18th year alongside with her friends, whom all I don't know, at Mr B's Nightclub. I admit that I was a little annoyed that I was told to "come earlier (9.30pm)" only to find out that she cannot get in herself until 12am when she is OFFICIALLY 18, despite her successes at infiltrating clubs as a promoter prior to 18.
SO ... J-man left the party and headed to Darling Harbor to join cousin JBo. Oh, by the way, I was semi-tipsy, so crossing heavy traffic from Pitt St/World Square to Dock Side/Darling Harbor is fairly dangerous (and is not recommended for any children, who drinks). I managed to convince her to join her friends at a club that she initially refused to go, namely, Pontoon. Sure it was a shit club, but you just gotta make it good.
I awesomized it. Slamming drinks. Busting moves. Feeling good. I was on the dancefloor like I never did. Guys and girls alike were watching my footwork (I've always known, I've never felt comfortable to do it, because I'm never too sure of what I'm actually doing or whether any of it was good).
The best part of it is ... White girls shoved JBo's guy friends away so they could move-it with me~!! I didn't get any of this when JBo was around and people clearly thought she was my girlfriend.
However, my goal was this revealingly dressed Asian girl. Not for love ... but to dance with. When one of our dudes failed with her, J-man was on the move. BUT she left the club. DAMN, because we kept looking at each other. But we stayed and kept dancing away, sweatin' sweats and shakin' it.
They came up to say, "good moves, man". Oh, I'll take this post to say ... JBo's friends are cool.
Last night ... I released. We released.
The initial plan was to celebrate my friend's ascension to the 18th year alongside with her friends, whom all I don't know, at Mr B's Nightclub. I admit that I was a little annoyed that I was told to "come earlier (9.30pm)" only to find out that she cannot get in herself until 12am when she is OFFICIALLY 18, despite her successes at infiltrating clubs as a promoter prior to 18.
SO ... J-man left the party and headed to Darling Harbor to join cousin JBo. Oh, by the way, I was semi-tipsy, so crossing heavy traffic from Pitt St/World Square to Dock Side/Darling Harbor is fairly dangerous (and is not recommended for any children, who drinks). I managed to convince her to join her friends at a club that she initially refused to go, namely, Pontoon. Sure it was a shit club, but you just gotta make it good.
I awesomized it. Slamming drinks. Busting moves. Feeling good. I was on the dancefloor like I never did. Guys and girls alike were watching my footwork (I've always known, I've never felt comfortable to do it, because I'm never too sure of what I'm actually doing or whether any of it was good).
The best part of it is ... White girls shoved JBo's guy friends away so they could move-it with me~!! I didn't get any of this when JBo was around and people clearly thought she was my girlfriend.
However, my goal was this revealingly dressed Asian girl. Not for love ... but to dance with. When one of our dudes failed with her, J-man was on the move. BUT she left the club. DAMN, because we kept looking at each other. But we stayed and kept dancing away, sweatin' sweats and shakin' it.
They came up to say, "good moves, man". Oh, I'll take this post to say ... JBo's friends are cool.
Last night ... I released. We released.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Replay
Last night I travelled 2.5 hours up north to see my friend's stage performance. I figured, I don't do much for her and we have been friends for over a decade, might as well do something nice.
The performance was known as Quickies III, by first year students in Diploma in Acting, Newcastle Academy of Acting.
She did about 6/10(?) short plays ranging from comedic dialogues to dramatic monologues. I have to say that it was rather interesting to watch and I got to empathize some of the characters (especially, and strangely, the tragic ones). Nice to see that she took the effort to learn an accent for her impression of a Jewish figure reflecting on a Nazi incident. Bravo.
Whereas for me, I might want to reconsider my cast for "Honey, I Love You", which by the way, ladies and gentlemen, is a psychotic thriller and NOT a romantic ladidda.
The performance was known as Quickies III, by first year students in Diploma in Acting, Newcastle Academy of Acting.
She did about 6/10(?) short plays ranging from comedic dialogues to dramatic monologues. I have to say that it was rather interesting to watch and I got to empathize some of the characters (especially, and strangely, the tragic ones). Nice to see that she took the effort to learn an accent for her impression of a Jewish figure reflecting on a Nazi incident. Bravo.
Whereas for me, I might want to reconsider my cast for "Honey, I Love You", which by the way, ladies and gentlemen, is a psychotic thriller and NOT a romantic ladidda.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Recede
I wonder if any of my friends would notice if I disappeared for a while. I mean, I haven't been acknowledged for quite some time, despite trying to start a conversation with them or requesting help. I reckon I can change my phone number, stay offline, don't make appearances on Facebook, they wouldn't even notice it.
I realized something that comes with being me:
Being Mr. Nice Guy, has never brought me any joy. I've been misunderstood, rejected, abandoned, alone, bullied and neglected, which really all means the same thing, but you should get the jist of it.
So ... What if I disappeared for a while?
I realized something that comes with being me:
Being Mr. Nice Guy, has never brought me any joy. I've been misunderstood, rejected, abandoned, alone, bullied and neglected, which really all means the same thing, but you should get the jist of it.
So ... What if I disappeared for a while?
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Relationships
Note: title is a bad interpretation, but best possible word for this post.
Quilesca once said that she finds my love-life rather complicated. You know? There has been many questions on my love-life and I have told many versions of it. Some of which are true, some of which are fake, some are exaggerated, and some are toned down.
So, I might as well explain/summarize the whole thing, the way it had always been. My readers would think, why would I expose my entire life for people who probably wouldn't matter too much to me or why do I embarrass myself when one should make themselves look good? Answer, simple: when I chat with people, I normally complain and talk about myself. If I were to be less "all-about-me" and more "get-to-know-you-baby", I have to channel it elsewhere. And here we are.
ANYWAY ... Spoiler: I have NEVER officially dated before.
I first really noticed girls in year 6, 2000. Although there were no real attraction, I wanted to befriend with the likes of Smellie, Ah Chi, Phone Girl, and the rest that I know today. I got tired of always being on their bad-side (oh, by the way, I used to be a big jerk). However, my bad habits kept kicking in and I didn't talk nicely to them.
My first and only girlfriend came shortly in year 7, 2001. What started as a favor to a tutor friend, became a backfired funny. I'll explain: a friend of mine asked me to prank call this girl, whom I'll nickname Nee, and leave a calling card by a name I shall keep confidently (because I forget). Anyway, on my first call, I found Nee's voice to be extremely sweet, and I couldn't go through with the cruel pranks. Shortly after, we made regular phone calls, and days later she asked to be my girlfriend. The immature me thought she wasn't serious, so I jokingly accept. Our first date was awfully awkward and the following night we broke up. THIS "RELATIONSHIP" LASTED ONLY 3 DAYS, and hence why I said I never officially dated.
Let's skip to year 9, 2003. I'm sure you would've remembered the Phone Girl post, everything in the Reflection's post is true; but allow me to tell another part of it. Year 2003 was a very special year, and I'm not entirely sure how everything happened. But in year 2002, I ran into Phone Girl again, she attended the same weekend math class as I did. Well, sometime somehow, I got her phone number and what was a courtesy call, became a nightly habit. I liked her, no, I loved her, but I never said a word. But it was not until late 2003 until this habit got out of hands, and I was also juggling a horrible Coca Cola habit (Quilesca heard Coke habit, haha). One day, I told Phone girl this:
Horrible, isn't it?
Naturally, she was upset. This was when I met Playeress (she had another nickname, but that one doesn't fit in this context). The same things happened: phone calls, sweet words, and regular meet-ups. With one question, "Will you marry me?" I was hooked. Another situation whereby the girl asked me out. Playeress and I went on two dates, and both were very special. The cookies 'n' creams that we shared made history in me, and it's the story I tell friends. Two months later, I met with Phone Girl again, and our friendship continued as normal. I believed it made our friendship stronger, and I think she believes so too, because we were ever so close (oh yes we were ;P ). But when she found out about Playeress in early 2004, things got crazy. By the end of year 2004, Playeress had dumped me without a word, and Phone Girl, after I told her that I liked her, said she was no longer waiting for me, and went out on a date with a co-worker.
Believe it or not, she was still calling me even though she went out with this guy. And she said I was a bad person.
I'm not too sure when I first called Smellie, but one night, I was extremely depressed and fairly suicidal (due to the major changes in life and loss of Phone Girl, oh yeah). But her sweet voice brought me up. I thought she would replace Phone Girl. I called her a few more times after, I still remember New Years Eve, she'd still talk to me, despite being with her family (I was alone at home [oh NYE]).
I was silent for a year, focusing on my HSC and dilemmas at school (I got into bad terms with someone and he really wanted to beat me up. Near the end of 2006, I worked as 2nd-in-command Photographer for a children's photo-studio. There, I met co-worked nickname Inn. First it was an introductory conversation, then an on-going flirt. We would play that typical flirt game, but I would not ask her out, because she too was on bad terms with another one of my friends. And I take friendships VERY seriously. Oh yeah, one day Inn came to work all prettied up claiming that she didn't take off her make-up or undo her hair because of her year 12 formal on the previous night. I was stunned. She was absolutely beautiful and I couldn't take my eyes off her during her shift. Before she left, I told her how beautiful she was and she walked off with a smile. You know ... I never asked her out. It was a game of flirt and Jack's stupidity.
Another girl came along during my first year of university, 2007. I met a HK Girl whom I quickly befriended with, and developed closeness rather rapidly. What kept me away was our two years difference, with her being the older one. She even once said "Why did you have to be born younger than me?" in a way that 'implied' that she too had that same feelings and complication. This was short-lived, but it was good while it lasted.
Year 2008 - 2009, I had rising feelings for Smellie, but due to the devestation I had with Phone Girl, I didn't want to go through with it again, and I suppressed it. As a result, I tried to be Mr Nice Guy, but she didn't notice it (this Mr Nice Guy persona enveloped me to who some of you know me as today). I told her best friend first, and she ... I don't remember what she did. I told Smellie weeks later, but she laughed at me. Naturally, I was angry and embarrassed, but it was that that helped me forget her, slowly. But that was only because I was convinced that she didn't like me. I realized that suppressing feelings in order to 'try' to pursue other girls not only hurt me, but also hurt them, because I was always thinking about Smellie while with other girls. C'mon, what girl likes that? It makes them feel like a replacement.
This year ... 2010, I've finally unliked Smellie and neutralized my hooks with anyone, and hoping to end my single life, beginning my dating life for real-real (I need a wingman). My pathetic love-life isn't anything to be proud of, but I'm telling you about it anyway. Sometimes I blame my relationship with my Mother and my dislike of her habits, but I reckon I'm only making excuses. What I really hate, is myself and my lack of confidence.
Realistically, despite all these mingles I have had, not one girl had EVER told me that she truly had feelings for me. They have only implied it, and thusly, means nothing to me.
Thus, I had never truly felt loved before.
Quilesca once said that she finds my love-life rather complicated. You know? There has been many questions on my love-life and I have told many versions of it. Some of which are true, some of which are fake, some are exaggerated, and some are toned down.
So, I might as well explain/summarize the whole thing, the way it had always been. My readers would think, why would I expose my entire life for people who probably wouldn't matter too much to me or why do I embarrass myself when one should make themselves look good? Answer, simple: when I chat with people, I normally complain and talk about myself. If I were to be less "all-about-me" and more "get-to-know-you-baby", I have to channel it elsewhere. And here we are.
ANYWAY ... Spoiler: I have NEVER officially dated before.
I first really noticed girls in year 6, 2000. Although there were no real attraction, I wanted to befriend with the likes of Smellie, Ah Chi, Phone Girl, and the rest that I know today. I got tired of always being on their bad-side (oh, by the way, I used to be a big jerk). However, my bad habits kept kicking in and I didn't talk nicely to them.
My first and only girlfriend came shortly in year 7, 2001. What started as a favor to a tutor friend, became a backfired funny. I'll explain: a friend of mine asked me to prank call this girl, whom I'll nickname Nee, and leave a calling card by a name I shall keep confidently (because I forget). Anyway, on my first call, I found Nee's voice to be extremely sweet, and I couldn't go through with the cruel pranks. Shortly after, we made regular phone calls, and days later she asked to be my girlfriend. The immature me thought she wasn't serious, so I jokingly accept. Our first date was awfully awkward and the following night we broke up. THIS "RELATIONSHIP" LASTED ONLY 3 DAYS, and hence why I said I never officially dated.
Let's skip to year 9, 2003. I'm sure you would've remembered the Phone Girl post, everything in the Reflection's post is true; but allow me to tell another part of it. Year 2003 was a very special year, and I'm not entirely sure how everything happened. But in year 2002, I ran into Phone Girl again, she attended the same weekend math class as I did. Well, sometime somehow, I got her phone number and what was a courtesy call, became a nightly habit. I liked her, no, I loved her, but I never said a word. But it was not until late 2003 until this habit got out of hands, and I was also juggling a horrible Coca Cola habit (Quilesca heard Coke habit, haha). One day, I told Phone girl this:
evn though we talk on the phone alot more than here...i wanna tell you this...
don't get mad or sad or whatever it may cause...
IM ON STRIKES....
STRIKE FROM COKE...AND THE MOST TRAGIC OF ALL...YOU!!!
no calling, no hanging, no socialising and no seeing
i'll contact you in two months or so
would you miss me??? i know you would ehehehehe.
anyways..remember, enjoy the last call while you can
Horrible, isn't it?
Naturally, she was upset. This was when I met Playeress (she had another nickname, but that one doesn't fit in this context). The same things happened: phone calls, sweet words, and regular meet-ups. With one question, "Will you marry me?" I was hooked. Another situation whereby the girl asked me out. Playeress and I went on two dates, and both were very special. The cookies 'n' creams that we shared made history in me, and it's the story I tell friends. Two months later, I met with Phone Girl again, and our friendship continued as normal. I believed it made our friendship stronger, and I think she believes so too, because we were ever so close (oh yes we were ;P ). But when she found out about Playeress in early 2004, things got crazy. By the end of year 2004, Playeress had dumped me without a word, and Phone Girl, after I told her that I liked her, said she was no longer waiting for me, and went out on a date with a co-worker.
Believe it or not, she was still calling me even though she went out with this guy. And she said I was a bad person.
I'm not too sure when I first called Smellie, but one night, I was extremely depressed and fairly suicidal (due to the major changes in life and loss of Phone Girl, oh yeah). But her sweet voice brought me up. I thought she would replace Phone Girl. I called her a few more times after, I still remember New Years Eve, she'd still talk to me, despite being with her family (I was alone at home [oh NYE]).
I was silent for a year, focusing on my HSC and dilemmas at school (I got into bad terms with someone and he really wanted to beat me up. Near the end of 2006, I worked as 2nd-in-command Photographer for a children's photo-studio. There, I met co-worked nickname Inn. First it was an introductory conversation, then an on-going flirt. We would play that typical flirt game, but I would not ask her out, because she too was on bad terms with another one of my friends. And I take friendships VERY seriously. Oh yeah, one day Inn came to work all prettied up claiming that she didn't take off her make-up or undo her hair because of her year 12 formal on the previous night. I was stunned. She was absolutely beautiful and I couldn't take my eyes off her during her shift. Before she left, I told her how beautiful she was and she walked off with a smile. You know ... I never asked her out. It was a game of flirt and Jack's stupidity.
Another girl came along during my first year of university, 2007. I met a HK Girl whom I quickly befriended with, and developed closeness rather rapidly. What kept me away was our two years difference, with her being the older one. She even once said "Why did you have to be born younger than me?" in a way that 'implied' that she too had that same feelings and complication. This was short-lived, but it was good while it lasted.
Year 2008 - 2009, I had rising feelings for Smellie, but due to the devestation I had with Phone Girl, I didn't want to go through with it again, and I suppressed it. As a result, I tried to be Mr Nice Guy, but she didn't notice it (this Mr Nice Guy persona enveloped me to who some of you know me as today). I told her best friend first, and she ... I don't remember what she did. I told Smellie weeks later, but she laughed at me. Naturally, I was angry and embarrassed, but it was that that helped me forget her, slowly. But that was only because I was convinced that she didn't like me. I realized that suppressing feelings in order to 'try' to pursue other girls not only hurt me, but also hurt them, because I was always thinking about Smellie while with other girls. C'mon, what girl likes that? It makes them feel like a replacement.
This year ... 2010, I've finally unliked Smellie and neutralized my hooks with anyone, and hoping to end my single life, beginning my dating life for real-real (I need a wingman). My pathetic love-life isn't anything to be proud of, but I'm telling you about it anyway. Sometimes I blame my relationship with my Mother and my dislike of her habits, but I reckon I'm only making excuses. What I really hate, is myself and my lack of confidence.
Realistically, despite all these mingles I have had, not one girl had EVER told me that she truly had feelings for me. They have only implied it, and thusly, means nothing to me.
Thus, I had never truly felt loved before.
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