I came the closest I've ever been to hyperventilation and total pass out. It is all because of a bad habit of mine. That is, unleashing my frustration in an imaginary, but bloody, explosive, and violent confrontation with the people who cause me the pain.
I began looking back at my childhood and how I came to be the pathetic person that I am. I know that throughout my childhood I had never imagined my life to be like this. It almost feels like Fate had tied me to a dungeon wall, and hung my freedom, by a thin thread, just outside of my reach, mocking me everyday as I strive desperately to grab hold onto my sanity.
For every imaginary outburst, I grabbed onto my chest to stop it from pounding too hard while I maintained a breathing consistency. My eyes burnt red from the bitter-salty tears that forces its way out. I tried not to attract attention. And it seemed successful. But why should I be surprised? No one gives a shit in the first place. I tried to persuade my mind not to think about it, but it seemed I was meant to persuade my heart instead. All those tiny fragments that have been ignored for all those years. I started to breathe hard again, I fought myself again and again, "Jackey, what kind of man are you?" An excellent question indeed.
While I struggled to keep cool all day, I thought to myself:
Happy Birthday Jackey ...
Friday, June 3, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
Remorse
If I disappeared for a month, would anyone notice it? I've asked myself this question a few times in the past and my answer is and should be, "Well, of course. The people who live with you would obviously notice one less person in the house". But when I'm talking about friends and acquaintances, there is a strong possibility that they won't.
The reason is that I haven't made it worthwhile to be remembered. And I don't exactly have that acknowledgement from people. My reaction to this is to be loud and everywhere, and I think I brag about myself ... ALOT. But somewhere I feel as though I will be remembered, but as the annoying butthead. This is not my goal. My goal is to give people that feeling of, "I miss Jackey and his antics". Oh, by the way, my full name is Jackey Tran, not Jack. See? Another reason why people won't remember 'me'.
At university, I try to be a very distinctive tutor. I socialize with students, something not many tutors like doing. I try to get them to open up so I can understand them a bit better. They are students who try really hard, but just can't seem to meet expectations. I used to be that kind of student. Failing them hurts, but I only fail those I really see just bumming around doing shit all. What else do I do as a distinctive tutor? I brought nunchakas. Tell me, who brings nunchakas and know how to use them? Nobody, that's who. I love to play with my students inside and outside of class. Just the other night I put on a comedy stand up. So instead of stressing out while working on their assignment, they were laughing. However, sometimes I think I cross the line with my eccentricness, and at the same time, they only see me as their tutor, not a befriendable. I don't exactly want the title of "my tutor". I wanna be a friend. If I disappeared, they'll just progress to the next semester.
In VHA, I probably would be remembered by the name Jackie Chan, and as the goody two-shoe who asks too many questions. I'm the new guy, but, from my perspective, the slowest progressing new guy there. I would love nothing more than to be confident and prominent with my work, but with the amount of responsibilities and issues that demands my attention, I become so easily disoriented and subsequently lose track of everything. I'm not even the only Asian guy there. Two left, but there is one more, and he knows his shit. However, if I disappeared I know they'll notice it ... then fire me.
With my friends, hardly anyone knows where I am. But through the miracle of Facebook, they know what is up. There was a period where I could not access Facebook and was out of the picture, essentially. But no one noticed nor cared. The fact that I've regretfully declined so many roadtrips with my friend, makes me an uninteresting outcast from my social circle. I really wish to get back into the game. I really wish to socialize with my friends. I really hope to know how everyone is and whether they lives have been treating them right. I really hope to be there for them. I'm not just saying it, I really mean it. If I disappeared for a month, I've already proven that these people wouldn't notice me.
All it comes down to is recognition. I know that no one is being missed at every single second by any given, breathing person. But it is nice to know that I mean something/anything to someone/anyone. And I think this blog entry is a brag and another attempt to gain recognition and acknowledgment.
Sorry =[
The reason is that I haven't made it worthwhile to be remembered. And I don't exactly have that acknowledgement from people. My reaction to this is to be loud and everywhere, and I think I brag about myself ... ALOT. But somewhere I feel as though I will be remembered, but as the annoying butthead. This is not my goal. My goal is to give people that feeling of, "I miss Jackey and his antics". Oh, by the way, my full name is Jackey Tran, not Jack. See? Another reason why people won't remember 'me'.
At university, I try to be a very distinctive tutor. I socialize with students, something not many tutors like doing. I try to get them to open up so I can understand them a bit better. They are students who try really hard, but just can't seem to meet expectations. I used to be that kind of student. Failing them hurts, but I only fail those I really see just bumming around doing shit all. What else do I do as a distinctive tutor? I brought nunchakas. Tell me, who brings nunchakas and know how to use them? Nobody, that's who. I love to play with my students inside and outside of class. Just the other night I put on a comedy stand up. So instead of stressing out while working on their assignment, they were laughing. However, sometimes I think I cross the line with my eccentricness, and at the same time, they only see me as their tutor, not a befriendable. I don't exactly want the title of "my tutor". I wanna be a friend. If I disappeared, they'll just progress to the next semester.
In VHA, I probably would be remembered by the name Jackie Chan, and as the goody two-shoe who asks too many questions. I'm the new guy, but, from my perspective, the slowest progressing new guy there. I would love nothing more than to be confident and prominent with my work, but with the amount of responsibilities and issues that demands my attention, I become so easily disoriented and subsequently lose track of everything. I'm not even the only Asian guy there. Two left, but there is one more, and he knows his shit. However, if I disappeared I know they'll notice it ... then fire me.
With my friends, hardly anyone knows where I am. But through the miracle of Facebook, they know what is up. There was a period where I could not access Facebook and was out of the picture, essentially. But no one noticed nor cared. The fact that I've regretfully declined so many roadtrips with my friend, makes me an uninteresting outcast from my social circle. I really wish to get back into the game. I really wish to socialize with my friends. I really hope to know how everyone is and whether they lives have been treating them right. I really hope to be there for them. I'm not just saying it, I really mean it. If I disappeared for a month, I've already proven that these people wouldn't notice me.
All it comes down to is recognition. I know that no one is being missed at every single second by any given, breathing person. But it is nice to know that I mean something/anything to someone/anyone. And I think this blog entry is a brag and another attempt to gain recognition and acknowledgment.
Sorry =[
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Reflection part II
Recently, I have been thinking about and reevaluating my dreams and goals. And as I was doing so, I had a horrible realization: I stopped thinking about it for so long, I no longer remember what it is that I really want.
When asked, I just make up lies or tell them other people's dreams. I don't want to appear without ambitions. I have them, I just don't remember what they were.
I spent years of my childhood and young adulthood walking with my family on the rough road; I denied myself the girl of my dreams. She had always been by my side and was everything I wished for. With the situation my life is in, I will never forgive myself if she has to suffer with me. That is a selfish thing to do. She appears to be happy now without me anyway. I guess I can be happy for her.
And because I've only done what my oldest brother told me, I'm not sure what career path I truly want to be in. What I'm in now, that's what I tell my acquaintances that that was my ideal career. Is it really what I want? I'm not sure. I used to think oceanography was my dream job. But in time I realized that it was an immature and impulsive frame of mind. I've had so little exposure to the world that I do not know who I am or who I was meant to be. Perhaps I was meant to be a website developer but I just haven't realized it. Perhaps I was meant to be an actor, but I haven't the courage to pursue it. I don't know, I just don't want to end up on my knees holder a cardboard paper, begging for money.
This uncertainty is scary because I cannot predict what the future will have in-store for me. I guess there are many people out there who shares this fear. And for all of you out there, you have my deepest empathy.
When asked, I just make up lies or tell them other people's dreams. I don't want to appear without ambitions. I have them, I just don't remember what they were.
I spent years of my childhood and young adulthood walking with my family on the rough road; I denied myself the girl of my dreams. She had always been by my side and was everything I wished for. With the situation my life is in, I will never forgive myself if she has to suffer with me. That is a selfish thing to do. She appears to be happy now without me anyway. I guess I can be happy for her.
And because I've only done what my oldest brother told me, I'm not sure what career path I truly want to be in. What I'm in now, that's what I tell my acquaintances that that was my ideal career. Is it really what I want? I'm not sure. I used to think oceanography was my dream job. But in time I realized that it was an immature and impulsive frame of mind. I've had so little exposure to the world that I do not know who I am or who I was meant to be. Perhaps I was meant to be a website developer but I just haven't realized it. Perhaps I was meant to be an actor, but I haven't the courage to pursue it. I don't know, I just don't want to end up on my knees holder a cardboard paper, begging for money.
This uncertainty is scary because I cannot predict what the future will have in-store for me. I guess there are many people out there who shares this fear. And for all of you out there, you have my deepest empathy.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Resemblance
This year would be my second year of tutoring at University of New South Wales. Like last year, I am teaching "WWW in Design and Presentation" to first year students; but unlike last year, I am also teaching "Modeling and Visualization" or otherwise known as 3D Modeling.
I decided to change my approach to tutoring students. Last year I was not all that proactive (sticking only to given material), less communicative, and worst of all, plain money-hungry. I was still inexperienced, in general, and still a bit intimidated by the job and colleague.
After 2010, which, by the way ladies and gentleman, was one insane year, my personality changed for the better and worse. This time around, my approach is to work as what resembles a Piagetian teacher.
That said, I'm not treating them as kids. They have just started university and the changes brought about from that is a psychological attack that all of us have suffered. And it is because we all suffered it, which is why I have so much empathy for them. We can't expect them to work on our level yet, when they have only covered the basics. It is not good for them, psychologically and emotionally. The pressure is intense.
The most common example is:
And the most common reaction to it is:
I know these things happen. I know from experience, and when I socialize/converse with the students, I can feel it. I can feel their pain and frustration. I was semi-suicidal during my first year of university. When I look at some of them, I see myself through them; how I was, how I felt.
I believe that if I can create an environment where they can learn and work, without the pressure that university places on them, even if it is only for 2 hours, I have succeeded as a tutor. If they could just forget about the stress, even if it is only for 2 hours, that would be a job well done.
Yes, you cannot run from your problems, but if you learn to deal with it, without frustrating over it in the process, you come out much happier and much more relieved.
As a tutor for first year students, I need to make sure that these people feel like they can do it. It's getting them prepared for university life. It's edging them closer to the intensity, but not quite there yet. It's walking before jogging before sprinting.
If you believe my approach is wrong, then you tell me why it is wrong. If you can't, don't question me.
I decided to change my approach to tutoring students. Last year I was not all that proactive (sticking only to given material), less communicative, and worst of all, plain money-hungry. I was still inexperienced, in general, and still a bit intimidated by the job and colleague.
After 2010, which, by the way ladies and gentleman, was one insane year, my personality changed for the better and worse. This time around, my approach is to work as what resembles a Piagetian teacher.
- "Jean Piaget believed that children made moral judgments based on their own observations of the world and not in the face of adult wishes to the contrary"
- studied Educational Psychology as one of my electives in 2009
That said, I'm not treating them as kids. They have just started university and the changes brought about from that is a psychological attack that all of us have suffered. And it is because we all suffered it, which is why I have so much empathy for them. We can't expect them to work on our level yet, when they have only covered the basics. It is not good for them, psychologically and emotionally. The pressure is intense.
The most common example is:
- bombardment of material expected to master in short periods
- grades not meeting expectations (especially students wishing to transfer)
- disappearance of social life (friends walking their own paths or lack of availability)
And the most common reaction to it is:
- loss of sleep and appetite
- disorientation
- flash changes in mood - one moment laughter, next moment sadness and/or anger
- stress
I know these things happen. I know from experience, and when I socialize/converse with the students, I can feel it. I can feel their pain and frustration. I was semi-suicidal during my first year of university. When I look at some of them, I see myself through them; how I was, how I felt.
I believe that if I can create an environment where they can learn and work, without the pressure that university places on them, even if it is only for 2 hours, I have succeeded as a tutor. If they could just forget about the stress, even if it is only for 2 hours, that would be a job well done.
Yes, you cannot run from your problems, but if you learn to deal with it, without frustrating over it in the process, you come out much happier and much more relieved.
As a tutor for first year students, I need to make sure that these people feel like they can do it. It's getting them prepared for university life. It's edging them closer to the intensity, but not quite there yet. It's walking before jogging before sprinting.
If you believe my approach is wrong, then you tell me why it is wrong. If you can't, don't question me.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Recall
I hadn't always been this pathetic. I recall the years when I was wild, fun, and willing to take risks. It was the years prior to a devilish mind, to working at my parents place, and before my youth allowance was cancelled.
There was a time when girls actually asked me out and loves my company. I've even had one openly expressing her content whenever I'm around. This was also during the time when my mates would call me out every weekend. Weekend school was fun too. I would spend morning classes with two fun girls, have lunch with them (one at a time and they were fine with that), then spend afternoon classes with two cool dudes and another girl who attempted to kiss me (she failed and kissed my neck). I would get phone calls from everyone who "just wanted to talk to me" and didn't care what I got to say. I was evened offered sex; but I turned it down because of my, then, moral code.
My social life wasn't the only good thing, my body was in a relativitely decent shape. I didn't have muscles but I didn't have blubber as well, and my acne problem had just been dealt with. I was considered fit, I could keep up with several sports player at school and did fine during 100m sprint and 50m swim. I played various forms of sport at a decent level; basketball, soccer, football, and gymnastic (yes, there was a time, but let's call it parkour instead because that's how I treated it).
My whole world collapsed after a while. I disappeared to work at my family business and dealing with an uprising habitual problem. I only noticed this when one of my female friends said, "you've changed, Jackey". I came back an aged person and much more quieter. You can call this matured, but I call it lame. As a result, I gained heaps of weight from the depression, and through the depression, I lost contact with many people. The girls no longer saw me as fun. The guys said I was always too busy. Classmate at weekend school were no longer there. And I got resented, for the first time in my life, by an old friend of mine (but that was my fault).
From that point onward, I kept struggling and because of all my failed attempts at redemption, I became the pathetic person that I am. I just hope with all the hardwork I'm putting into myself nowadays, someone would tell me, in a positive way, that I've "changed, Jackey". I may not necessary return to topdog-hood, but I can at least have a shot at being loved by all again.
There was a time when girls actually asked me out and loves my company. I've even had one openly expressing her content whenever I'm around. This was also during the time when my mates would call me out every weekend. Weekend school was fun too. I would spend morning classes with two fun girls, have lunch with them (one at a time and they were fine with that), then spend afternoon classes with two cool dudes and another girl who attempted to kiss me (she failed and kissed my neck). I would get phone calls from everyone who "just wanted to talk to me" and didn't care what I got to say. I was evened offered sex; but I turned it down because of my, then, moral code.
My social life wasn't the only good thing, my body was in a relativitely decent shape. I didn't have muscles but I didn't have blubber as well, and my acne problem had just been dealt with. I was considered fit, I could keep up with several sports player at school and did fine during 100m sprint and 50m swim. I played various forms of sport at a decent level; basketball, soccer, football, and gymnastic (yes, there was a time, but let's call it parkour instead because that's how I treated it).
My whole world collapsed after a while. I disappeared to work at my family business and dealing with an uprising habitual problem. I only noticed this when one of my female friends said, "you've changed, Jackey". I came back an aged person and much more quieter. You can call this matured, but I call it lame. As a result, I gained heaps of weight from the depression, and through the depression, I lost contact with many people. The girls no longer saw me as fun. The guys said I was always too busy. Classmate at weekend school were no longer there. And I got resented, for the first time in my life, by an old friend of mine (but that was my fault).
From that point onward, I kept struggling and because of all my failed attempts at redemption, I became the pathetic person that I am. I just hope with all the hardwork I'm putting into myself nowadays, someone would tell me, in a positive way, that I've "changed, Jackey". I may not necessary return to topdog-hood, but I can at least have a shot at being loved by all again.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Remember Me
It has been many months since I wrote my last set of lyrics. Naturally, my writing style isn't as creative as they used to be, but I work with what I got. This little number is something I wrote because I've been suffering heaps of inevitable dramas in life and the pressure had pushed me very close to suicide on numerous occasions.
I just want to say that life will give you challenges and you will feel intimidated, but it is the strong ones who could jump over these obstacles and walk towards to next one. I'm still fighting for survival and it seems that I am losing, but I'm still alive.
"Remember Me" is pretty much a title for the collection of pieces that I've written over the years. There is no music to it, and vice versa, the music have no lyrics to it, but I figured that I could just throw a title to it, regardless.
Anyway ... enjoy =)
Hang In There
Sometimes the sky will turn grey
And it will begin to rain
Sometimes the road ahead will fade
And your hopes get hidden in the shade
I have felt your pain, friend
I know it must be strainin’
But trust me it will be alright
Never lose your faith and
The cloud will move away then
Things will change and there will be sunlight
If you just …
[Chorus]
(Hang in there) You can get pass this if you just
(Hang in there) Things will get better if you just
(Hang in there) Nothing can stop you if you just
(Hang in) There-eh (Hang in) There-eh (Hang in)
Hang in there
[End Chorus]
Copyright 2011
Jackey Tran
I just want to say that life will give you challenges and you will feel intimidated, but it is the strong ones who could jump over these obstacles and walk towards to next one. I'm still fighting for survival and it seems that I am losing, but I'm still alive.
"Remember Me" is pretty much a title for the collection of pieces that I've written over the years. There is no music to it, and vice versa, the music have no lyrics to it, but I figured that I could just throw a title to it, regardless.
Anyway ... enjoy =)
Hang In There
Sometimes the sky will turn grey
And it will begin to rain
Sometimes the road ahead will fade
And your hopes get hidden in the shade
I have felt your pain, friend
I know it must be strainin’
But trust me it will be alright
Never lose your faith and
The cloud will move away then
Things will change and there will be sunlight
If you just …
[Chorus]
(Hang in there) You can get pass this if you just
(Hang in there) Things will get better if you just
(Hang in there) Nothing can stop you if you just
(Hang in) There-eh (Hang in) There-eh (Hang in)
Hang in there
[End Chorus]
Copyright 2011
Jackey Tran
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Relationships part II
The last few weeks had me thinking about my loveless life. The subject came to my mind when I looked back at my peers and their relationships. Some were happy, some were sad, but all of them had the experience.
To date, I have not had one girlfriend, laid my first kiss, seriously held a girl's hand or embrace her, successfully asked a girl out, nor notice a girl's genuine affection for me (if there were any). Thinking about it, it is VERY sad and I admit that there are times that I feel intensely lonely. And seeing jerks having girls falling head-over-heels for them makes me feel worse as I always try to be the best person I can be only to be shot down every time.
When I hear about my female friends talking about the weaknesses of their boyfriends, it makes me think; I may be a guy, but I honestly don't believe that all guys would be that shit in relationships. At the same time, will I become that?
Referring back to my previous statement, being shot down all my life really bums me out. It's not like the girls I go for are punk-ass chicks with tattoos and want to suck the life out of their man. My type of girl is sweet, funny, out-going, and enjoys/appreciates many activities. At the same time, being shot down that many time dropped my standards to much lower levels, to the point my friend said that "[I'm] just being desperate now". It may sound that way, but if you can't be the reacher, then be the settler.
I've always pictured myself doing all those romantic stuff with a special girl; like walking along the beach, watching the sunset, eating at a fancy restaurant, probably plan a special Valentines Night; but from what I'm seeing, I'm pretty much doomed in the relationship field.
I may think differently than other guys when it comes to romance, but all of us share the same frame-of-mind when it comes down to, "What does she want?"
And my question is always, "Does she like me?" or "Will I find the girl, I want to spend the rest of my life with?"
I don't need to be in many relationships like other guys nowadays, if it is serious and real, one is enough.
To date, I have not had one girlfriend, laid my first kiss, seriously held a girl's hand or embrace her, successfully asked a girl out, nor notice a girl's genuine affection for me (if there were any). Thinking about it, it is VERY sad and I admit that there are times that I feel intensely lonely. And seeing jerks having girls falling head-over-heels for them makes me feel worse as I always try to be the best person I can be only to be shot down every time.
When I hear about my female friends talking about the weaknesses of their boyfriends, it makes me think; I may be a guy, but I honestly don't believe that all guys would be that shit in relationships. At the same time, will I become that?
Referring back to my previous statement, being shot down all my life really bums me out. It's not like the girls I go for are punk-ass chicks with tattoos and want to suck the life out of their man. My type of girl is sweet, funny, out-going, and enjoys/appreciates many activities. At the same time, being shot down that many time dropped my standards to much lower levels, to the point my friend said that "[I'm] just being desperate now". It may sound that way, but if you can't be the reacher, then be the settler.
I've always pictured myself doing all those romantic stuff with a special girl; like walking along the beach, watching the sunset, eating at a fancy restaurant, probably plan a special Valentines Night; but from what I'm seeing, I'm pretty much doomed in the relationship field.
I may think differently than other guys when it comes to romance, but all of us share the same frame-of-mind when it comes down to, "What does she want?"
And my question is always, "Does she like me?" or "Will I find the girl, I want to spend the rest of my life with?"
I don't need to be in many relationships like other guys nowadays, if it is serious and real, one is enough.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Smile
Hello again,
(This marks the first post not to have a "re" title)
I know it has been a while since my last post. There has been a lot of psychological pressure and reality issues to deal with over the passed however many months. BUT, I'm not here to blag on about my disastrous life. Instead, I am here to talk about my newest project.
Those who've seen my Facebook would have noticed that I've been updating my status with the phrase, "Smile Everyone =)"; this is indeed the tag-line to my next project, one that I call Project Smile.
What it is, is a photo slideshow.
But unlike the The Newly Weds, this will include live-action alongside of animation. But unlike Friend's Birthday Message, the animation and live-action will interact from time to time as opposed to playing one after the other. It is going to be fairly dynamic and ever-changing, a notion established by part 04 of The Newly Weds. Hence, this would be protrayed in a manner similar to common music videos.
I developed the idea after listening to the song by Uncle Kracker, which would also be the feature song to this slideshow. It will be a tribute to my family and friends, those who have affected my life. Once again, although my nature is very dark and sinister, this video will be bright and gentle (if I do it long enough, perhaps I could rid myself of the evil).
My goal? To get people to smile. And to show my family and friends the love =)
(This marks the first post not to have a "re" title)
I know it has been a while since my last post. There has been a lot of psychological pressure and reality issues to deal with over the passed however many months. BUT, I'm not here to blag on about my disastrous life. Instead, I am here to talk about my newest project.
Those who've seen my Facebook would have noticed that I've been updating my status with the phrase, "Smile Everyone =)"; this is indeed the tag-line to my next project, one that I call Project Smile.
What it is, is a photo slideshow.
But unlike the The Newly Weds, this will include live-action alongside of animation. But unlike Friend's Birthday Message, the animation and live-action will interact from time to time as opposed to playing one after the other. It is going to be fairly dynamic and ever-changing, a notion established by part 04 of The Newly Weds. Hence, this would be protrayed in a manner similar to common music videos.
I developed the idea after listening to the song by Uncle Kracker, which would also be the feature song to this slideshow. It will be a tribute to my family and friends, those who have affected my life. Once again, although my nature is very dark and sinister, this video will be bright and gentle (if I do it long enough, perhaps I could rid myself of the evil).
My goal? To get people to smile. And to show my family and friends the love =)
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Reimagining
Ever since I took a step into medial production, my head has been overwhelmed with visual images. Even though I haven't made a real name for myself out there, every time I listen to certain songs, a whole story will unwrap in my head and I would continue to refine it each time I hear it. The only thing stopping me from filming and producing it, is a)my lack of knowledge in professional film production, and b)cast.
I have once asked a few friends of mine if they were interested. Even though they agreed, I do not expect them to keep to their words because I know that life is no longer as flexible as it used to be. Time is a killer for everyone.
What are those songs? And, what have I in-store for them?
Timbaland - Morning After Dark.
A deeply dark toned background, with strong orange-yellow lighting on cast. They are supported by feint smoke and several effects to gradually make the cast look demonic. I want it to be eerie, yet cool. One particular idea I have was to include a salsa dance (initially rehearsed for the wedding, but later dropped). However, my concern is whether it works well with the atmosphere created.
Pussycat Dolls - Hush Hush (remix).
A rainy atmosphere with a couple looking like a confrontation is about to happen. The female lead will try to dominate the male as he tries to talk (not to be over-used). One particular imagery I have is heavily inspired by a drawing I saw. And that is: on the long road/highway (could be both), the man places on his hand on his chest and rips out his heart. He then hands it over to the female lead. However, she takes it and walks off. (another take on it, is she takes it from him).
Jay Sean - Do You Remember
Frankly. I semi proud of it. Why not fully? It's not done. Anyway, it begins with a couple sitting by a candlelight dinner. And the male lead is singing his lines to the girl. When Jay sings, "there's nothing left to say, don't waste another day", the couples are already on the streets. The male lead is very playful and dances around the female lead. Do You Remember chorus is sung while the male performs a dance number in front of the female. "Left's bring it back, left's bring it back" is done while male lead calls for his mate (clearly rehearsed) to take their seats and pick up the stringed instruments. You see where I'm going with this. The little string piece is performed like a mini orchestra, male lead being the 'conductor'(?) I'm not done with it completely, because every time I hear the song, my mind changes.
Linkin Park - New Divide.
This one was in my head first and it was before I worked with After Effects. Anyway, I wanted it to be as explosive as the song. So it works with heavy shaky camera work. It begins on top a wrecked building (referencing In The End). Then a disastrous wind storm throws the band into a rocky island. At the climax of the song, it will include a massive outburst and shockwave across the ocean. I don't know. It as first, but I never thought about it thoroughly.
Usher - OMG.
Yeah, who can possibly beat Usher? No one. But it doesn't mean no one can do something different. My video includes a lot of dance moves and uses light streams to help imitate a dancefloor. I can't explain much, but it's all in my head. But what I can say is that it's more Asian-y and has a touch of 70s disco and Usher in it.
One last time isn't a song ... but a story I have in my head called, "Honey, I Love You" which is a thriller involving a husband and wife in an increasingly bad relationship which each other and increasingly disturbing fascination with their respective suitors, and its effect on their spouses. As many of you know, I have a strange vision much like that of Tim Burton, but my ideas may come across as brutal for my friends to be involved with such a project.
But who knows ...
I have once asked a few friends of mine if they were interested. Even though they agreed, I do not expect them to keep to their words because I know that life is no longer as flexible as it used to be. Time is a killer for everyone.
What are those songs? And, what have I in-store for them?
Timbaland - Morning After Dark.
A deeply dark toned background, with strong orange-yellow lighting on cast. They are supported by feint smoke and several effects to gradually make the cast look demonic. I want it to be eerie, yet cool. One particular idea I have was to include a salsa dance (initially rehearsed for the wedding, but later dropped). However, my concern is whether it works well with the atmosphere created.
Pussycat Dolls - Hush Hush (remix).
A rainy atmosphere with a couple looking like a confrontation is about to happen. The female lead will try to dominate the male as he tries to talk (not to be over-used). One particular imagery I have is heavily inspired by a drawing I saw. And that is: on the long road/highway (could be both), the man places on his hand on his chest and rips out his heart. He then hands it over to the female lead. However, she takes it and walks off. (another take on it, is she takes it from him).
Jay Sean - Do You Remember
Frankly. I semi proud of it. Why not fully? It's not done. Anyway, it begins with a couple sitting by a candlelight dinner. And the male lead is singing his lines to the girl. When Jay sings, "there's nothing left to say, don't waste another day", the couples are already on the streets. The male lead is very playful and dances around the female lead. Do You Remember chorus is sung while the male performs a dance number in front of the female. "Left's bring it back, left's bring it back" is done while male lead calls for his mate (clearly rehearsed) to take their seats and pick up the stringed instruments. You see where I'm going with this. The little string piece is performed like a mini orchestra, male lead being the 'conductor'(?) I'm not done with it completely, because every time I hear the song, my mind changes.
Linkin Park - New Divide.
This one was in my head first and it was before I worked with After Effects. Anyway, I wanted it to be as explosive as the song. So it works with heavy shaky camera work. It begins on top a wrecked building (referencing In The End). Then a disastrous wind storm throws the band into a rocky island. At the climax of the song, it will include a massive outburst and shockwave across the ocean. I don't know. It as first, but I never thought about it thoroughly.
Usher - OMG.
Yeah, who can possibly beat Usher? No one. But it doesn't mean no one can do something different. My video includes a lot of dance moves and uses light streams to help imitate a dancefloor. I can't explain much, but it's all in my head. But what I can say is that it's more Asian-y and has a touch of 70s disco and Usher in it.
One last time isn't a song ... but a story I have in my head called, "Honey, I Love You" which is a thriller involving a husband and wife in an increasingly bad relationship which each other and increasingly disturbing fascination with their respective suitors, and its effect on their spouses. As many of you know, I have a strange vision much like that of Tim Burton, but my ideas may come across as brutal for my friends to be involved with such a project.
But who knows ...
Monday, October 11, 2010
Recount
Yesterday was a big day. Not exactly for me, but for my brother who married his long-time girlfriend.
I was chosen to be a groomsman (best man went to my other brother, and I understand that), and it was my job to make sure the minor things were done right, mainly guest related. Though I didn't do the best at it, I believe it was good enough since there were no complaints.
The day started off in a rush. I woke up at 6.15am, with only 3 hours of sleep the night prior, and we had to get ready and leave to the bride's house at 7. The so-called "games" were DAMN man. I almost lost my first-kiss to a dude. I'll explain, at the bride's house, the girl would mess around with the guys, making them do stupid shit. One in particular was passing a seaweed slice to the next dude using only mouths. I assure you that we weren't allowed to bite down on it, or we would be punished (I can't imagine what's worse).
Anyway, tea ceremony there and tea ceremony back at my place. My next task was to rush my Dad to the reception hall (by the way, he prepared ALL the food from scratch) to guide the cooks into doing what they have to do.
Next, I drove to the ceremony, which was held WAAAAAY on the other side, at Curzon Hall. There were little task. Stand around and look good. The sun was in our eyes, and with all those cameras, it was difficult not to give them dirties (by that, I mean squinting). There were a few laughs at the ceremony. The vowels had something creative like mocking each other and the best man's gold-fish-ness (may I remind you, that my second brother has a very short attention-span and that kicked in when the Celebrant was explaining his tasks to him). After that, we had a newly-wed/bridal party photo-shoot.
Rush all the way back home to prepare the project/laptop/my brother's stuff (which he forgot to do the night before) ... all in 5 minutes.
OKAY NOW ... THE SECOND BIGGEST EVENT OF THE NIGHT:
I already considered myself late, because it was 5.15pm, and I haven't got anything prepared or tested. However, we managed to test all the DJ's equipment, projector, laptop, and get the hall presentable before letting the guests in. Oh, did I mention that the bridal party was meant to do a dance? Well, we hadn't rehearsed or anything. So, in the make-up room, we just came up with this little routine and though I came up with my own dance AND did okay in rehearsal, I screwed it up so badly in the actual performance. When I went around talking to guests, or when they came up to toast the bridal table, they poked fun at me, saying stuff like, "Hey Jack, I love your shaolin". My rebuttal? "Shut up, man. I screwed up. But I have one big surprise for everyone in this room later".
And I did. Remember the "Restoration" post? About a slideshow project for my brother and sister-in-law? Well, it was WELL received from the bride's family and friends as well as our side. So I felt really good.
Here is part 1 of 4 sections
"Jackey, as you can see, is extremely talent. But he is also single and looking, ladies" the MC (my brother's friend) said. And I was embarrassed, but prepared for it. I just pretended to say, "What are you talking about?" and continued doing my stuff.
My brother (the best man) took the dancefloor before and after the alcohol. Everyone praised him and he believes that he has established his reputation as a dancer amongst both sides of the families. While I established myself as a computer geek/designer. Meh.
So ... I'm pretty much the only cousin in the whole family to be completely sober, because as the designated driver or 2 BENZ and 1 LEXUS, and a Green P-plater, I cannot drink. Naturally, I replaced drunkness with my personally hypo-ness to gather enough will to dance. And for some reason, it was my job to make sure people dance. How I did it? Good you ask. I simply did my dance, which I think were stupid, and then gesture people to come. Once or twice it worked, but for the times that it didn't I personally jogged to the tables to pull girls out because Girls + Dancefloor = Guys joining Girls on Dancefloor.
That day and night was awesome. This wedding was far different to the ones I attended and this is because the bride is a banana (yellow [Asian] on the outside and white[well, White] on the inside, whereas the others were mangoes [fully yellow].
It was legen- wait for it ...
I was chosen to be a groomsman (best man went to my other brother, and I understand that), and it was my job to make sure the minor things were done right, mainly guest related. Though I didn't do the best at it, I believe it was good enough since there were no complaints.
The day started off in a rush. I woke up at 6.15am, with only 3 hours of sleep the night prior, and we had to get ready and leave to the bride's house at 7. The so-called "games" were DAMN man. I almost lost my first-kiss to a dude. I'll explain, at the bride's house, the girl would mess around with the guys, making them do stupid shit. One in particular was passing a seaweed slice to the next dude using only mouths. I assure you that we weren't allowed to bite down on it, or we would be punished (I can't imagine what's worse).
Anyway, tea ceremony there and tea ceremony back at my place. My next task was to rush my Dad to the reception hall (by the way, he prepared ALL the food from scratch) to guide the cooks into doing what they have to do.
Next, I drove to the ceremony, which was held WAAAAAY on the other side, at Curzon Hall. There were little task. Stand around and look good. The sun was in our eyes, and with all those cameras, it was difficult not to give them dirties (by that, I mean squinting). There were a few laughs at the ceremony. The vowels had something creative like mocking each other and the best man's gold-fish-ness (may I remind you, that my second brother has a very short attention-span and that kicked in when the Celebrant was explaining his tasks to him). After that, we had a newly-wed/bridal party photo-shoot.
Rush all the way back home to prepare the project/laptop/my brother's stuff (which he forgot to do the night before) ... all in 5 minutes.
OKAY NOW ... THE SECOND BIGGEST EVENT OF THE NIGHT:
I already considered myself late, because it was 5.15pm, and I haven't got anything prepared or tested. However, we managed to test all the DJ's equipment, projector, laptop, and get the hall presentable before letting the guests in. Oh, did I mention that the bridal party was meant to do a dance? Well, we hadn't rehearsed or anything. So, in the make-up room, we just came up with this little routine and though I came up with my own dance AND did okay in rehearsal, I screwed it up so badly in the actual performance. When I went around talking to guests, or when they came up to toast the bridal table, they poked fun at me, saying stuff like, "Hey Jack, I love your shaolin". My rebuttal? "Shut up, man. I screwed up. But I have one big surprise for everyone in this room later".
And I did. Remember the "Restoration" post? About a slideshow project for my brother and sister-in-law? Well, it was WELL received from the bride's family and friends as well as our side. So I felt really good.
Here is part 1 of 4 sections
"Jackey, as you can see, is extremely talent. But he is also single and looking, ladies" the MC (my brother's friend) said. And I was embarrassed, but prepared for it. I just pretended to say, "What are you talking about?" and continued doing my stuff.
My brother (the best man) took the dancefloor before and after the alcohol. Everyone praised him and he believes that he has established his reputation as a dancer amongst both sides of the families. While I established myself as a computer geek/designer. Meh.
So ... I'm pretty much the only cousin in the whole family to be completely sober, because as the designated driver or 2 BENZ and 1 LEXUS, and a Green P-plater, I cannot drink. Naturally, I replaced drunkness with my personally hypo-ness to gather enough will to dance. And for some reason, it was my job to make sure people dance. How I did it? Good you ask. I simply did my dance, which I think were stupid, and then gesture people to come. Once or twice it worked, but for the times that it didn't I personally jogged to the tables to pull girls out because Girls + Dancefloor = Guys joining Girls on Dancefloor.
That day and night was awesome. This wedding was far different to the ones I attended and this is because the bride is a banana (yellow [Asian] on the outside and white[well, White] on the inside, whereas the others were mangoes [fully yellow].
It was legen- wait for it ...
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